Each spring, I have a bit of tension between connecting with my jewish identity and my christian one. But this year I'm really feeling the rebirth vibe.
(even though my dad's jewish, growing up we always celebrated my mother's religion - the United Church of Canada / protestant christianity. To the best of my limited understanding, the main reason for that is a proclivity towards secularism / skepticism on my father's side of the family. So, add a lack of external societal pressure to celebrate jewish holidays (moved from a Jewish, European community to North America), together with an new ability to celebrate christian ones (my mom) meant that I grew up dining on the swine and the rest of it.)
First, it felt like a long, awkward winter and the spring so far hasn't felt much better. Plus, I'm coming off of a winter (and fall, ... and previous summer?) which has been suffused with more anxiety I've ever imagined personally experiencing, and which seems to be retreating, so the prospect of rebirth is especially attractive.
Professionally, despite the moderate success we've had at Ajah, and the quite impressive success we've had at Powered by Data of getting our Admin Data "campaign" off the ground, I mainly feel like we've failed. In Ajah, we've succeded at creating a somewhat stable, revenue generating organization over the past 10 years, but its growth potential feels very limited. And, in the case of Powered by Data, we're successfully championing a key issue in the Canadian nonprofit sector that could be a game changer (both for positive reasons, and for important, defensive reasons) we've not achieving the momentum we aimed for, and, this fall, we decided to close down our open data consulting program because it wasn't working well.
That personal sense of failure that I take from the distance between the ambition of those initiatives to their actual, current success has dovetailed nicely with the no-longer recent failure in my personal life to move from being engaged to being married with an incipient family.
But recently, the snow's been melting, and despite the crappy spring, I'm feeling the fresh, warm wind smelling of adventure, new ambitions, and the feeling of comraderie that is my ambrosia.
(okay - I'm not super happy with this post - mainly because of writing style - but posting anyways)
Oh - one of the things I'm feeling super excited about is my hypothes.is account. It feels super good to, once again, have a public persona that mirrors what I'm actually feeling and thinking about.
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